Solidarity Care is uniting for the purpose of extending each other, a gentle caring that also creates common learning and healing for all present. It was in this spirit that conversations in class continued. I am sharing some significant contributions that touched and taught us all.

After checking in, we chose to invite the qualities of acceptance and optimism into ourselves and our training space. We did this with the S.U.R.F. Practice, and we allowed the conversation to flow as we observed how the practice had landed on us.

“It was a calming experience, but I was also slightly disturbed by a thought that the qualities of acceptance and optimism did not go together.”

This response suggested that we only draw on the quality of acceptance when things are not so rosy and then, to imagine that the situation will pass and improve appears to be a betrayal of acceptance. So, is it not possible that we can embody both acceptance and optimism for our wellbeing? This question invited the following contribution.

“As I was on my way here, I said hello to Ah Kow and his family who were ordering a biryani meal at the Indian Muslim eating house a block away. Ah Kow and his wife have 2 sons and a daughter, and they have lived in the neighbourhood for some 40 years. The oldest son has an intellectual disability, and his other 2 children have had some formal education. This is a close-knit family that is often seen having breakfast, lunch and dinner together. Outside mealtimes, they are seen working together collecting cardboard, tin cans and discarded household appliances at the rubbish bin centres, alleys and other places around the neighbourhood where unwanted items pile up.

The rag and bone trade is how Ah Kow and his family have been making a living and even today when Ah Kow is visibly frail and using a wheelchair, the family moves together filling up their trolley tricycle and riding it to the scrap merchant for their living expenses. The son with the intellectual disability pushes his father’s wheelchair; apart from playing mum, mother does her fair share of picking up the scrap, and the other children are the ones trading with the merchants and engaging members of the public when necessary.

From a distance, this family appears to have accepted the rag and bone trade as a way of life and have remained optimistic that this is how they will continue to care for each other regardless.”

From a distance, Ah Kow and his family are living on the margins, and the neutral observer would express concern for their current and longer-term well-being. And if the observer would like to express these concerns to the family, how could it be done without dishonouring the immense family togetherness that has sustained them for decades? NVC practitioners would say that we must honour how they have been satisfying their fundamental human needs.

Respecting and appreciating others regardless is something we often say but it is easier said than done. How does the Ah Kow family’s situation land on us? What sensations are we experiencing that may hinder a respectful connection? Are we able to put away the obstacles that hinder us from simply being present and flowing with wherever the connection takes us.

“It was 8.30pm and I had just wrapped up a programme in the community. I felt I had some time and decided to visit the home of a child whose mom was arrested for drug consumption a day earlier. I found it difficult connecting with the child’s caregivers as they always kept a polite distance. I was mindful that they wanted their space and so instead of knocking on their door, I decided to simply walk past their home “incidentally” in the hope of a chance meeting. Their door was wide open, and I was invited into their home when they spotted me. I spent the next hour witnessing, listening and appreciating how the family was pulling together to care for their children in light of mother’s arrest. It was definitely not a show for me as they did not know I was coming but I saw love, care and responsibility that I had initially feared was not present. It was a most assuring and satisfying experience that I wish I had more off in my workday.”

Nonviolent communication begins with the intentional practice of observation. A neutral observation not layered with an assessment or concern. The helping professional though acts on troubling assessments and concerns. While there is a role for this, we must recognize that it is potentially just one aspect of a situation and not a holistic view. Helping professionals would do well to incorporate an intentional presence to flow with the rhythm of people’s life in a community in their workday.

When we communicate, are we steering a conversation toward what we want to bring across or are we flowing with what is emerging and honouring it? There is always a context to every conversation, but we can always honour the experience. Let’s keep practicing.