Date | Friday, 6 June 2025 |
|---|---|
Time | 1500 to 1615 |
Present | 6 from |
Introduction
Non-violent communication via somatic consensus begins with the regulation of sensations in our body that hinder listening, empathy and meaningful conversation. Listening with empathy would mean having the ability to sense the feelings of the speaker and to imagine a fundamental need that he or she may be missing. Identifying a need is not an analysis but a guess that needs to be confirmed by the speaker and so the preference for the instruction to “imagine” rather than “identify.”
Here is a fundamental human needs wheel that aids our imagination.
After every class I lead, I keep short notes for myself to learn and strengthen my practice. To give readers a sense of what a class experience is like, I have written a lengthier reflection below without details that do not serve the interest of those speaking or those being spoken about.
Preparation
As I was sitting alone and readying myself for class, I looked up the passage below by Carl Rogers to ground myself.
Before every session I take a moment to remember my humanity, that there is no experience that this man has that I cannot share with him, no fear that I cannot understand, no suffering that I cannot care about, because I too am human. No matter how deep his wounds, he does not need to be ashamed in front of me. I too am vulnerable. And because of this, I am enough. Whatever his story, he no longer needs to be alone with it. This is what will allow his healing.
I began to breathe more gently as I sat still and let the passage stay with me. Then, the phrase “When the mouth speaks, the whole person heals,” came to mind.
Class Begins
Jeremy was my co-learner in this class, and we began by grounding with the same passage from Rogers. When we checked-in and shared a little about how we were arriving at class, I reckoned that it would be mutually beneficial if I spoke and he practiced listening with empathy. We approached listening with empathy as a 3-step process:
Somatic Awareness – Scan and acknowledge how our body is responding to the information
Reflect Feelings – Express what you sensed the speaker felt and
Imagine a Fundamental Need – Check with the speaker if the feelings reflected emerged from the fundamental need imagined.
So, I began recalling the experiences and encounters during my week that left a somatic impression on me and below is the gist of our experience.
Sunday – Tension with my mother
Speaker
I suffer from this as I cannot summon enough energy to attend to her need for connection. There is a sense of shame especially because I have little difficulty offering kindness to almost everyone else.
Listener
Can’t register an impression but reminded of personal struggles with parents
I recognize the internal conflict, guilt and discomfort of a heavy heart.
There is a need for mastery and peace.
Monday – Tense conversation with authority
Speaker
I was told that my mistakes would be a potential reputational risk.
Listener
I feel tightening on the front of my chest. Probably resulting from a sense of unfairness that threatens my need for independence.
I recognize the disappointment and fear of what possible troubles ahead.
There is a need for protection and autonomy. Some control over choices.
Tuesday - Was informed of support being withdrawn from a project
Speaker
After connecting with a funder, I learnt that they reconsidered their initial offer to fund a project I was working on.
Listener
I feel discomfort at the back of my neck. Probably from not being sure how to respond.
I sense acceptance but also anxiety for the continuity of the project.
You need competency in overcoming this setback.
Wednesday – A death and a strange dream
Speaker
Was informed of the death of a volunteer-leader I have known for more then 40 years in the evening, headed to bed and woke up after a few hours recalling a vivid dream about a conversation with a teenager I had cared for who told me her family situation has now improved. It seemed so real, and I woke up at that point feeling a little cheered. I felt some expansion in my chest as I sat on the side of my bed. Then, I remembered that this young person took her own life some 30 years ago. I became curious about what my body was saying to me.
Listener
It is an interesting story, and I feel a slight expansion in my chest and head which I think signals that I want to find out more.
I sense that your curiosity has energized you.
You have a need for meaning and peace.
Thursday – Awareness at a Wake
Speaker
I attended the wake of the volunteer leader Siong Woo who I met when I first joined Beyond. I was struck by how he had lived a life of giving and service and then left quietly and modestly. He was dressed in a simple grey round neck tee shirt as he rested in peace. It is inspiring and humbling that his resume of good deeds was never intended to impress or secure a better career for himself. Doing good was just how he lived a good life. Also got me thinking about how young people are coached to pad their resumes with community service and what it says about our notion of a good life today.
Listener
Feeling inspired too by your sharing. Slight expansion felt at the front of chest.
Siong Woo inspires you and you feel sad for his passing and humbled by the modest life he led. Humbled because your career in social services has provided you and your family with a reasonable amount of comfort.
Honoring Siong Woo is your need for connection and remembering your relationship positively. You also have a need to safeguard your identity as a human service professional.
Friday – A Failing Endeavour
Speaker
I learnt that the baking project I am supporting will be in the red for the first month of operation.
Listener
I feel some strain on the back of my neck.
I sense your worry and disappointment.
You have a need for competency in supporting the project.
Checking out
Jeremy found the session satisfying and was inspired to start a journal.
I found the speaking somewhat healing. I still felt a weight on my shoulders, and my chest was heavy but with a renewed resolve to keep striving.
So, I guess this was my experience of “When the mouth speaks, the while person heals.”
