The series provides simple practices for compassionate everyday caregiving grounded in mindfulness, self-compassion and fuelled by kindness.

“Is money a need?” I asked when we were exploring the difference between needs and satisfiers. A participant shared that he needed money to buy food, but we finally concluded that even food was just a satisfier for subsistence or survival, a need we share.

As I thought about this moment after the session, I recalled passing out a couple of months ago from a bad case of diarrhoea. When I eventually got to a doctor, he immediately put me on saline drip and after an hour, I began feeling less weak.

Like food, the drip gave me the energy to get up and about, but I don’t think any of us would describe a saline drip as food or find it on the menu even in the best restaurants. To survive and to feel well and healthy is the need we share, and it is not just food that sustains us.

Recognising the difference between needs and satisfiers enables us to be attend to what we really need to live satisfyingly. A need is something within and never something elsewhere. It is an internal state and not an object which means that we can become what we need. With practice, we can identify our needs, nourish, and nurture them.

In the context of caregiving, caring for our own needs prepares us to care for the needs of others. As in all endeavours, the more prepared we are, the better we are likely to be at the task.

After session 1, I reflected that “Compassionate communication begins with self-empathy or being gently in tune with our own needs.” Similarly, I would say now that it will be challenging to be fully present to the needs of others when our own needs have not been attended to. Caring for our own needs is not being selfish but it is essential for “selfless” caregiving.

Finally, during an exercise to identify the needs of the caregiver in a caregiving scenario presented, I was heartened when participants pointed out that the lack of time did not provide the opportunity to better understand the needs of the person being cared for. Understanding and meeting the needs of everyone satisfactorily in any given situation would be the path toward non-violent or compassionate communication.

For peace and community,

Gerard